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The year of great change, part 1

Updated: Feb 25, 2023

I'd like to preface this post with an image. This is the cover of a major personal project I am currently working on.


This is a blue and white drawing, of myself sitting on the grass, underneath a tree, and beating a drum. There is a barn, surrounded by a tree and some bushes, in the background. The sky is cloudy. The negative space of the sky forms the C of the common time signature or 4/4, the particular time signature known in medieval times as "Tempus Imperfectum," the title of this album.

This is Tempus Imperfectum, a planned compilation of songs performed with only drums and voices. Putting aside the fact that I drew the album artwork, the fact that I have recently started taking the first steps towards making this album a reality is making me want to hyperventilate out of excitement. I knew, for a grand total of nine years, that I wanted to write drum and voice pieces. But without much tonality to hide behind, the thought of doing so terrified me for a long time.


Ever since I was first able to take gainful employment in November after years of being entangled in the asylum process, I have been noticing areas in my life where the proverbial shackles began to break:


  • I've gained the confidence to put myself forward for paid projects, whereas before November, I was absolutely terrified of doing so before due to the legal constraints placed upon me. I've now started to assert my worth to game developers, audio professionals, community managers, anyone I met in the game industry. It's a transformation that hasn't gone unnoticed.

  • I've felt freer in my musicianship. Most notably, I've felt like I could breathe easier. This has affected my singing.

  • After many years of waiting, I finally tied the knot in May, and so far, the marriage has been a source of strength and bliss.

All this is bound to have even greater effects on my musical and emotional delivery, and my growth as a person. I daresay, I feel like I'm finally able to live, after having been put on hold for years on end.


I hope that, when Tempus releases -- whenever that may be -- the freedom and healing that I am starting to feel may show itself plenty in the tracks I have written for it, and that it may give at least one person out there hope, or euphoria of some sort. I imagine that when it releases, I shall write a longer post about the making of this album. But for now, I think I'd like to end off by summarising how I feel:


I honestly feel that the making of Tempus will help me grow as a person. It will sharpen my emotional literacy and confidence. It will help me to come out of hiding and come closer to the true song that I can barely perceive in my heart. It will help me work with others better -- already there are going to be people collaborating with me for at least two of the tracks I have planned for this album, if not more. The rush of emotions I felt from recording The Drummer's Prayer back in 2021 will not even come close to the euphoria that Tempus will give me. I am, and will be, bolstered by the kindness and support of my musician friends, especially those in game audio. I am, and will be, supported by staunch friends and loved ones who want to see my true self coming out of hiding and shining brightly.


In the next post, I will be talking about the changes I have undergone as a new game audio professional.


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